How to turn a house into a haven.

Titus 2:3-5

³ The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
⁴ That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
⁵ To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Women are called to be keepers of the home. Our God-given role is do our best to provide a place of love and peace for our families. You know the old saying, "Home is where the heart is." 

A home is where we fellowship, where we eat together, where we pray together, where we rest and recharge. It is where we love, pray, eat, and sleep. For these reasons and more, there should be a huge emphasis in your life on making your house a home... or a haven. 

 

ha·ven

ˈhāvən/

noun

noun: haven; plural noun: havens

a place of safety or refuge.

 My husband works hard all day and I want to provide a place of rest, warmth, and joy for him. Our home is that place. Here are some little ways I've tried to do this in our own house. 

Keep in mind, we don't have a lot of money and I'm pretty frugal so almost everything is from thrift stores, Walmart, purchased with gift cards or off of Craigslist :) You can see a lot of my personality in how we decorated. lol

Come on in! 

Bless this home :)

Fake flowers and mason jars go a long way!

Our dining room: where we eat together, pray together, and have our morning quiet time.

Got these cute shakers from a thrift store, where I get everything.

 Bible is always close by, easy to access :)

A small collection of books, including cookbooks!

 We have a stream of pictures. Photos of sweet memories...

 Coffee... must be readily available at all times! ;)

 sink is spankin' clean here... took some bleach and scrubbin' but I got it done finally ;)

 So many *attempted* and successfully attempted yummy meals have been cooked in this kitchen.

Mmm, the smell of fresh orchard apples! Mine and Eric's fave.

Our Living Room

Our living room. Hymns are playing on Pandora.

Anyone who knows me, knows I love pine cones!

 This is where we put bills and misc. items like envelopes and stamps. Prevents them from building up on our counter :) Also got this at the thrift store.

 Curtains add so much warmth.

"I will cling to the old rugged cross & exchange it someday for a crown"

We hang lots of pictures since we can't paint the walls (darn it, landlord) :)

Our Bedroom

Our bedroom has a softness to it that we love. Eric doesn't even mind all the pink :)

Those are actually balloon curtains from target :) I don't have them pinned up here.

I bought baskets at the thrift store for each side of the bed to include any bedside necessities (tissues, chapstick, phone charger, books, etc.)

My side :)

I LOVE these paintings hung on each side of our bed.

Our bathroom 

I cannot stand a dirty bathroom so I don't even do my hair in here lest I get hair all over the floor. Scrubbing it is my least favorite thing to do but I get it done because dirty bathrooms are just unbearable for me lol...

I love vintage photos...

Aaand another sweet candle :)

guess who!

By far, my favorite bathroom decoration... "Changing the toilet paper will not cause brain damage" ;)

cute containers I bought at a thrift store for maybe 50 cents. I organized my hair stuff in here.

a shower caddy, because ya know... I need everything localized and not sliding all over the tub!

Eric's Office

Eric pretty much handles this room. I don't touch it lest I throw away something important! I just dust and vacuum :)

Caught him unexpectedly! lol

xoxo, A Law Student's Wife

A godly wife

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. 

~ 1 Peter 3:1-6

A godly wife is subject to her own husband...

To be "subject" to someone is to be under their authority. As Christian wives, we are called to be submissive to our husbands and they are called to lead us. This is a beautiful thing because it is God's design and, therefore, the only way to truly flourish in a marriage. Each role as husband and wife reflects the person of Jesus. 

"Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church" (Ephesians 5:22–23). 

A woman glorifies God by submitting to her husband. How? The Bible teaches us that Jesus is under the headship of the Father, therefore, we reflect Jesus when we submit to the headship of our husbands. “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God” (1 Corinthians 11:3). 

I take great joy in submitting to my husband even though it very often does not come naturally to me. I am naturally a very strong-willed woman. I can be Type-A and am a first born so my temperament can exude a kind of overpowering behavior at times. I am quite the go-getter and like to have the final say on things because I often don't trust other people's decision-making skills.

Since getting married, the Lord has convicted me in this area and has refined me quite a bit through sanctification. I've come to see that it is so beautiful to allow my husband to lead us. He grows and flourishes tremendously when I do not hinder him with my overpowering nature. It's impossible for two people to lead together in a marriage so our marriage naturally prospers when we do it God's way. And the beautiful thing about it is, both roles would not be what God intends without utter humility and service to the other. 

A godly wife conducts herself in a respectful and pure manner...

I can't tell you how often I've sat and listened to women complain about their husbands. They often complain about how much of a "deadbeat" he is or how lazy he is. Can I say something controversial? What have you done to contribute to your husband's behavior? Have you nagged him, called him names, refused to be intimate with him, or done anything else that would give him the hint that you think he is equal in value to the dirt on the ground? Yeah, you may just be the reason for your extremely passive, distant husband.

Men want to be respected. You, as his wife, have the greatest power to help him grow into the man God calls him to be. But the only way you can expect to see your husband grow into the godly man he is called to be is if you are the woman God calls you to be. Your husband takes your opinion seriously. He values your opinion above anyone else's. I guarantee, if you respect him, build him up, encourage him, pray for him and with him, be his biggest cheerleader, (and stop the nagging!), and actively loved him,  he will be a new man in time. He may be "won without a word" by your conduct as Peter describes. 

We are also called to be pure. When I think of "pure" I think of fresh mountain springs. Uncontaminated by society. We wives need to conduct ourselves in a pure manner. This means dressing modestly, not being contaminated by cultural standards of beauty and behavior. It means being wholesome and untainted by sexual immorality. It means embracing your femininity but keeping from your neighbor what should only be reserved for your husband. Finally, it means conducting yourself in a moral manner, always striving for holiness.

A godly wife is more concerned with inward beauty than outward...

"Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart..."

It is not a sin to adorn yourself, but when it takes precedence over your character or when it becomes a great obsession, it is sinful. Big breasts, wrinkle-free skin, and thigh gaps are not what holds a marriage together. Outward beauty is not a bad thing and we should strive to take care of ourselves for our husbands, however, the Word tells us that our inward spirit is what matters most, it is "imperishable". The hidden person of the heart is refined and sanctified when are in God's word, when we seek to do His will and not ours, when we deny ourselves and follow Christ daily... even when it is uncomfortable. And the beauty in that is, all things are possible with God (Matthew 19:26). 

A godly wife has a gentle and quiet spirit...

Let's start with what it means to have a "quiet" spirit. Many of us women do not naturally have a quiet spirit. We have a lot to say, all the time. Many of us can forget to think before we speak and blurt out whatever comes to mind, without a filter. This is unwise and foolish. God calls us to calm the loud and chaotic thoughts in our hearts and minds, thinking on whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely (Phil. 4:8) He also calls us to be upright and self-controlled (Titus 1:8)

At the same time, He calls us to be gentle. When we do speak, we should speak wisely and our speech should be gentle and kind. "...always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person." (Colossians 4:6)

Our conduct in public is also important because it can affect our husband's reputation. This is important because it goes hand in hand with respecting our husbands.

When we strive to be a peaceful and godly wife, it is precious in the sight of the Lord and to our husbands. "An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels." (Proverbs 31:10)

  I pray that this blog post was encouraging to you. Remember, God gives us grace as we strive to be our best. I fail often but trust that, everyday, I am becoming more of the woman I'm called to be. It is only possible by His Spirit and grace.  

 "A true wife makes a man's life nobler, stronger, grander, by the omnipotence of her love 'turning all the forces of manhood upward and heavenward.' While she clings to him in holy confidence and loving dependence she brings out in him whatever is nobles and richest in his being. She inspires him with her courage and earnestness. She beautifies his life. She softens whatever is rude and harsh in his habits or his spirit. She clothes him with the gentler graces of refined and cultured manhood. While she yields to him and never disregards his lightest wish, she is really his queen, ruling his whole life and leading him onward and upward in every proper path." -JR Miller

xoxo, A Law Student's Wife

I shall not want.

 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. Psalm 23:1

Contentment. It’s easier said than done, but a life lived in contentment and joy is a life that is abundantly richer and fuller than a joyless life that consists of always chasing after the wind. How can we be content? With the Holy Spirit, God makes it possible. That said, we must always be aware of the things that rob us of joy and contentment:

1) Love of money.

Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” – Hebrews 13:5 

Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs… -1 Timothy 6:6-11 

A greedy man stirs up strife, but the one who trusts in the Lord will be enriched. – Proverbs 28:25 

As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life. – 1 Timothy 6:17-19 

Better is the little that the righteous has than the abundance of many wicked. Psalm 37:16

Money is not evil, nor are material goods. But the Bible warns us because money can so easily become an idol in our hearts. Why? Because money has the appearance of being the source of all happiness in the world. It is true that one cannot live without money in our society. But we must remember, where does the money come from? God. He is the one who provides for us. He gives us everything we need, stretches that dollar, and ensures that we are taken care of. He works through the means of our efforts, our talents and hard work, and in many other ways.

It becomes a serious sin when we view money as the ultimate source of happiness and joy. If we do immoral things to gain wealth, if we hold onto our money too tightly (lacking generosity), and/or if all of our dreams and wishes revolve around the goal of getting more money, we can know that money sits on the throne of our hearts and that we lack contentment.
I’ve personally struggled with this. I have been on both sides of the spectrum where I’ve held on to my money too tightly and other times when my greatest pursuit was simply to get more money so that I would feel more secure, even though I had everything I needed already.

2) Jealousy 

Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another. – Galatians 5:26 

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. - 1 Corinthians 13:4-6 

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves – Philippians 2:3 

But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. – James 3:14-15 

For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.- James 3:16 

A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.- Proverbs 14:30

Jealousy of others is not something I’ve greatly struggled with. The Lord has blessed me in this area and, since I was a little girl, I’ve rarely held envy in my heart toward another person. I wouldn’t say it was because I was super holy or super content with a super blessed life… no, not at all. I would say it was more that I had been the victim of jealous-natured people and their behavior and I saw the ugliness of that sin from a very young age.

I have had great friendships in my life fall apart due to a jealous spirit. Jealousy and competition suck the joy out of friendships and are detrimental to both parties. When we fervently desire what others have, we not only grow hate in our hearts toward the other person but we begin to hate our own lives.

I will say that I have and do struggle with being jealous for a dream life that I’ve created in my own mind. I am often jealous for blessings I believe I deserve… for things I do not currently have. So much so that it clouds my vision. Someone once told me: the secret to having it all is knowing you already do. This is trite but true.

Jealousy is a slap in God’s face because it says “Lord, you don’t really know what is best for me. You have made a mistake in giving me the life I have. I am still lacking what I need.”

Envy not only destroys friendships, it also turns us into individuals who cannot rejoice or celebrate with others. Many times, it even turns us into the kind of people who rejoice and celebrate when the person we are jealous of falls or fails in life. It is Satan at work and it results in a lack of contentment in our own lives. What a miserable person jealousy creates.

3) Worry 

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? – Matthew 6:25-27 

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. – Matthew 6:24 

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. - Matthew 11:28-30 

And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his  span of life? - Luke 12:25 

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you.Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. – John 14:27

Y’all know I struggle with this one the most. Too often I am so caught up in worrying about the what-ifs, I forget to enjoy the here-and-now. Worry stems from pride just like jealousy. It says “Lord, I know what’s best for my life and you don’t.” It suggests that God doesn’t know how to be God.

So what is the remedy?

This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118-:24
Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. – Philippians 4:11-12 

Better is a little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble with it. - Proverbs 15:16 

Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches. – 1 Corinthians 7:17 

So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God. - 1 Corinthians 7:24 

Repentance, Prayer, and Praise. 

Realize where you are failing to be content as God commands you to be. Maybe it’s in a job, singleness, married life, your current state of finances, your living situation, etc.

Tell God how you are feeling and don’t sugar coat it. “Lord, I am really unhappy with where you have me. Actually, I hate it. I have a jealous heart toward those who have more than I do and I assume I know what is best for me.”

Repent and ask that God forgive you for your lack of joy in where he has you.

Then ask for him to help you in this area. Ask that he give you a heart that mirrors his own, one that hates what he hates and loves what he loves. Ask him for a thankful heart and eyes to see his blessings.

Practice actively being happy for those you envy. When someone in your sphere of influence prospers, rejoice with them, realizing you have every reason to be happy for them and not angry at God. You already have everything you need.

Lastly, the best cure for discontentment is praise. Every morning and night, when you pray, begin with praise. Let thankfulness be something you actively work on every day. Even writing down a list of things you are thankful goes a long way. When we praise God for who he is and thank him for what he’s done in our lives and for what he’s given us, all of our grumblings and complaints fall away from our vision. He is good all of the time. He gives us everything we need and the ability to enjoy his good gifts.

Do yourself a favor and savor the sweetness of the unique blessings he’s showered upon you! It will be the most freeing thing you do.

xoxo, A Law Student's Wife

An encouragement to wives and mothers.

Disclaimer: To the childless woman, the career woman, and the single woman- I want you to know that I am not putting down your personal callings, I am only defending the Christian wives and stay-at-home mothers that are constantly under attack by the evil culture we face today. As Christians, God is just as well-pleased with you in whatever life he's called you too.

I am a wife. All of you know this. I also love being a wife. Many of you know this as well. My dream from the time I was a little girl was to get married and raise a family. Sure, I had career goals, but none that really stuck or superseded my dreams of being a wife and mother. I also knew I wanted to stay home with my children from a very early age. I had been in daycare as a toddler and had nannies until I was about 9 or 10. I don't judge those who go this route but, for me personally, I desire to stay home with my future children.

If you are anything like me, you know it is very difficult to live in our culture today with these kinds of dreams. I went to college, I got my degree, all the while I knew I didn't want to be in the workforce long term. "So you're wasting your education?" Mmm, I heard this one a lot. Nope, nothing can be lost by getting a degree... if anything (depending on the university) one can only gain. I didn't particularly enjoy college, but I paid for it myself, worked my butt off, and am glad I have a degree. I had experiences in college that many people are not privileged to have. When I do stay home with my children, I will not regret having gone to higher education. This is not to say that it is wrong not to go to college. I wish many young men and women understood that college is NOT for everyone. But just because I got my degree and don't plan on using it doesn't mean I am wasting my education.

This is the mindset many people have. I was surrounded by it in college and am surrounded by it now in the workplace. And you know what it is? Feminism. I'm talking about liberal Feminism as we see it in the media, not the recent attempt to redeem the word. 

Feminism has destroyed traditional values and biblical principals. Don't get me wrong, not everything the feminist movement stood for was bad, but I am speaking to it as a whole. It's spat on biblical gender roles, it's told women that if you want to be worth anything, you've got to be a big, bad career woman and have nothing to do with that stay-at-home mom nonsense. And you certainly can't submit to a husband. Oh no. That's oppressive! Men are worthless, second class citizens. "Girl, if you've got a brain, go get your degree and make your own money and sleep with whoever you want. Who needs monogamy? You do you!" 

*sigh*

I was just watching the movie Mona Lisa Smile last night. It's about a woman who becomes a college professor at an all-women, Anglican university.  As an art professor, she has some tough work ahead, as she finds these women of the 1950's stuck within tradition with religious values and in need of some coaxing on the road of "personal fulfillment". I almost turned it off but it was all so intriguing and such a reflection of our society today. The whole movie paints this picture of housewives and mothers to be women imprisoned by men... women who have no depth, no intellect, and no purpose. "Victorious" moments in the movie were those marked by women leaving their husbands in order to "find themselves" and go to law school. 

This is the culture we live in. You're looked down upon if you marry young, if you have children, God-forbid any more than 3 children, if you submit to your husband's leadership, if you don't have a "career", and if you stay home with your children. None of this was questioned 60 years ago. This is all a result of the feminist movement and all it stands for. More women than ever are freezing their eggs so that they can live the single life longer without losing fertility. We live in an age where murdering your inconvenient, unborn child is praised because, "You do you!" It's heartbreaking. Utterly heartbreaking.

So many women are convinced that the sole purpose in life is to be happy. "We should strive for happiness above all!" No. This is a complete lie. If this were an ultimate truth, we could tell child molesters, "Hey man, whatever makes you happy!" Do you think our servicemen had a ball out there in Afghanistan taking a bullet for your freedom? No. They did it out of duty. 

We should aim to do what is right and good, not what makes us happy. Happiness is an emotion. Emotions are fleeting and do not last. If you do what is right, living a life in communion with God, you may just find a joy that is deeper and more wonderful than any fleeting form of happiness that comes with naval-gazing.

Do you know how demanding and sanctifying it is to be a wife and mother? Yeah, I'm not a mother yet but I know it ain't a walk in the park. Neither is marriage. But you know what? It's worth it, it gives joy, it's honorable, and it sure isn't a worthless way to live. 

I had an encounter at the grocery store a couple of months back where a woman in line ranted to me about how much she regretted getting married and having children. No joke. She told me she threw her life away and encouraged me to "live it up now" and "follow my dreams" before I get tied down in mommy prison. I wanted to cry for her. How sad. She obviously holds to a liberal, feminist worldview that has sucked the joy out of marriage and motherhood.

Reminds me of how God addressed women in the garden after Adam and Eve sinned, cursing mankind:

“Your desire shall be for your husband...”

Genesis 3:16

It is in our sinful nature to desire to rule over our husbands and to trump their God-given role as leader of the household. I could say a lot about this but I just want to leave you with: God values men and women equally but has created us inherently different and assigned to us totally distinct, yet equally valuable roles. Within the confines of marriage those roles are: leadership and submission. A lot of people misunderstand the true meaning behind these roles and how they play out in a godly marriage.

My husband is not to rule over me as a dictator, rather he is to love me as Christ loved the Church. I am to submit to my husband just as I submit to the Lord. Both require utter humility and selflessness.  We must constantly die to self and live in service to the other.

Eve is given to Adam as his ezer kenegdo—or as many translations have it, his "help meet" or "helper." I am my husband's helper and encourager and I take great joy in that! I love that God created me to serve my husband in this way as my husband is called to sacrificially love me just as Christ gave him self up for the Church. 

There is nothing more beautiful and perfect than God's design. When we do His will, we naturally flourish and become more like Jesus. It is no easy feat and, every day I must live by His Spirit, but mercies are new everyday and I find tremendous joy living in the role God's called me to, as imperfect as I am. 

I hope this was an encouragement to you, as much of a rant as it was. Though our culture is godless and tainted by the ever poisoning lies of feminism, our God is bigger, and he is well pleased with tired, hard-working, selfless, loving, and oh-so-imperfect wives and mothers. Take great joy in that. You are not unworthy and your life is not wasted as you live out the beautiful callings of wife and mother.

xoxo, A Law Student's Wife

Pedantry and the need to be right.

I remember as a little girl, I would always correct my little sister on everything she said. She had a speech impediment and would often jumble phrases, kind of like Yoda! It was cute but she struggled with it and it didn’t help that I would always butt in after she said anything “No, Lauren, that’s not how you say it!”

It would get to the point where I would correct even miniscule, silly details. After a while, my parents told me to knock it off. Unfortunately, even adults exude this kind of behavior. From Grammar Nazis, to OCD, to hairsplitters… It’s called Pedantry.

ped·ant·ry

ˈped(ə)ntrē/
noun 

excessive concern with minor details and rules.

A pedant is essentially a nit-picky person. Heck, I’m often a pedant. And the longer I wrestle with pedantry, the more I realize that it stems from pride. I was much more of a Grammar Nazi and arguer in college and soon discovered that people were becoming quite annoyed and uninterested in interacting with me. This was a lesson for me… Why did I feel the need to correct everyone’s errors and/or insert my special knowledge on a subject in conversation?

I chalk it up to having too high an opinion of myself and my thoughts. Should we be sure in our beliefs? Yes, I believe so. But interjecting every conversation with our “higher” opinion and/or correction of the other party, is not helpful. Especially when there is little grace.

“A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.” 

Proverbs 18:2

How often have your interactions with others been dominated by your desire to win with your own opinion? While our opinions can be valuable, believe it or not, they shouldn’t always be shared. Especially when our opinions are unnecessarily critical and condescending.

When I do this to others, it’s never out of a kind place in my heart. It normally derives from a need to feel affirmed in my “correctness”.  It’s like “Look at how correct I am compared to you!” There’s no gentleness, no consideration of the other person, and no prudence.

“A prudent man conceals knowledge, but the heart of fools proclaims folly.” 

Proverbs 12:23

Something I am learning, is not to offer my “two cents” if it is belittling or unedifying. We should be prudent with our words. Are they kind? Are they purposed to build up? These are things we need to consider, particularly on the internet where we maintain a level of anonymity and where it is so easy to slip up. We can even be an annoying nit-picker and not realize it!

“There are two kinds of men who monopolise conversation. The first kind are those who like the sound of their own voice; the second are those who do not know what the sound of their own voice is like.” 

– G.K. Chesterton

How to get over your own pedantry:

1.       Let go of the need to be right.

Sometimes with petty arguments, it’s not even worth it. Even if you know in your heart that the sky is blue but the other person insists that it is pink… let it go. Agree to disagree.

2.       Realize that it’s okay to agree with someone you don’t like.

Many times, I think people come into a conversation with preconceived notions and biases about the other party that influence the way they respond. I know I’ve encountered individuals who, no matter what I say, NEED to disagree with me. It seems I could even change my position to match theirs and, to spite me, they’d change their position to an opposing one. Don’t be that guy.

3.       Stop obsessing over the petty details, and be a better listener

In conversation, learn to look past the minor faults and errors and actually listen to what the person is trying to say. This one is one I need to work on daily. When we are overly concerned with sharing our criticisms of the other person’s opinion, we are turned inward and not actually trying to understand anything the other person is saying.

4.       Be gracious

Yes, you may be right and that person may need correcting. Yes, you may be older, wiser, and more educated… But gentleness is key, always. Coming at them with a self-righteous attitude will not do anything but harm. Remember, if you aim to correct, do it out of love and gently.  

How to respond to a pedant:

 1.       Don’t respond to folly with folly.

When someone offers a silly correction, I am learning to just take it. Yeah, I may have misunderstood a concept and that one person loves to correct me, but responding with a snide remark is only going to make matters worse. I’m learning to respond with a simple “Thank you” when someone is being nit-picky. (see Proverbs 26:4)

2.      Realize that some people don’t have the same sense of humor as you.

Pretty simple. Sometimes we just don’t realize that people are jokesters and what appears to be pedantry is just their way of yankin’ your chain and poking fun. In this case, it’s okay to laugh!

3.       Realize the heart of the issue
The pedant that you’re dealing with obviously has a need to be affirmed by their “correctness”. The reason they always need to interrupt and correct you is because of a deep-rooted insecurity and need to be right. Know that it is not always a personal attack against you. Yes, they may just not like you very much. But that’s still not something you should take personally. Pray for them.

I hope this post helps you reflect on your own heart in conversation. Believe me, I am the chief of sinners in regards to being critical and nit-picky. Let us all know when/how to speak and when to hold our tongue.

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29

“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” Colossians 4:6 

“For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.” Romans 12:13

xoxo, A Law Student's Wife