I remember as a little girl, I would always correct my
little sister on everything she said. She had a speech impediment and would
often jumble phrases, kind of like Yoda! It was cute but she struggled with it
and it didn’t help that I would always butt in after she said anything “No,
Lauren, that’s not how you say it!”
It would get to the point where I would correct even
miniscule, silly details. After a while, my parents told me to knock it off.
Unfortunately, even adults exude this kind of behavior. From Grammar Nazis, to
OCD, to hairsplitters… It’s called Pedantry.
ped·ant·ry
ˈped(ə)ntrē/
noun
excessive concern with minor details and rules.
A pedant is essentially a nit-picky person. Heck, I’m often
a pedant. And the longer I wrestle with pedantry, the more I realize that it
stems from pride. I was much more of a Grammar Nazi and arguer in college and soon
discovered that people were becoming quite annoyed and uninterested in
interacting with me. This was a lesson for me… Why did I feel the need to
correct everyone’s errors and/or insert my special knowledge on a subject in
conversation?
I chalk it up to having too high an opinion of myself and my
thoughts. Should we be sure in our beliefs? Yes, I believe so. But interjecting
every conversation with our “higher” opinion and/or correction of the other party,
is not helpful. Especially when there is little grace.
“A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.”
Proverbs 18:2
How often have your interactions with others been dominated
by your desire to win with your own opinion? While our opinions can be
valuable, believe it or not, they shouldn’t always be shared. Especially when
our opinions are unnecessarily critical and condescending.
When I do this to others, it’s never out of a kind place in
my heart. It normally derives from a need to feel affirmed in my “correctness”. It’s like “Look at how correct I am compared
to you!” There’s no gentleness, no consideration of the other person, and no
prudence.
“A prudent man conceals knowledge, but the heart of fools proclaims folly.”
Proverbs 12:23
Something I am learning, is not to offer my “two cents” if
it is belittling or unedifying. We should be prudent with our words. Are they
kind? Are they purposed to build up? These are things we need to consider,
particularly on the internet where we maintain a level of anonymity and where
it is so easy to slip up. We can even be an annoying nit-picker and not realize
it!
“There are two kinds
of men who monopolise conversation. The first kind are those who
like the sound of their own voice; the second are those who do not know what
the sound of their own voice is like.”
– G.K. Chesterton
How to get over your own pedantry:
1. Let go of the need to be right.
Sometimes with petty arguments, it’s not
even worth it. Even if you know in your heart that the sky is blue but the
other person insists that it is pink… let it go. Agree to disagree.
2. Realize that it’s okay to agree with
someone you don’t like.
Many times, I think people come into a
conversation with preconceived notions and biases about the other party that
influence the way they respond. I know I’ve encountered individuals who, no
matter what I say, NEED to disagree with me. It seems I could even change my
position to match theirs and, to spite me, they’d change their position to an
opposing one. Don’t be that guy.
3. Stop obsessing over the petty details, and
be a better listener
In conversation, learn to look past the minor
faults and errors and actually listen to what the person is trying to say. This
one is one I need to work on daily. When we are overly concerned with sharing
our criticisms of the other person’s opinion, we are turned inward and not
actually trying to understand anything the other person is saying.
4. Be gracious
Yes, you may be right and that person may
need correcting. Yes, you may be older, wiser, and more educated… But gentleness
is key, always. Coming at them with a self-righteous attitude will not do
anything but harm. Remember, if you aim to correct, do it out of love and
gently.
How to respond to a pedant:
When someone offers a silly correction, I
am learning to just take it. Yeah, I may have misunderstood a concept and that
one person loves to correct me, but responding with a snide remark is only
going to make matters worse. I’m learning to respond with a simple “Thank you”
when someone is being nit-picky. (see Proverbs 26:4)
2. Realize that some people don’t have the
same sense of humor as you.
Pretty simple. Sometimes we just don’t
realize that people are jokesters and what appears to be pedantry is just their
way of yankin’ your chain and poking fun. In this case, it’s okay to laugh!
3. Realize the heart of the issue
The pedant that you’re dealing with obviously has a need to be affirmed by their “correctness”. The reason they always need to interrupt and correct you is because of a deep-rooted insecurity and need to be right. Know that it is not always a personal attack against you. Yes, they may just not like you very much. But that’s still not something you should take personally. Pray for them.
The pedant that you’re dealing with obviously has a need to be affirmed by their “correctness”. The reason they always need to interrupt and correct you is because of a deep-rooted insecurity and need to be right. Know that it is not always a personal attack against you. Yes, they may just not like you very much. But that’s still not something you should take personally. Pray for them.
I hope this post helps you reflect on your own heart in conversation.
Believe me, I am the chief of sinners in regards to being critical and
nit-picky. Let us all know when/how to speak and when to hold our tongue.
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29
“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” Colossians 4:6
“For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.” Romans 12:13
xoxo, A Law Student's Wife
