Many of us do not enjoy this topic. Particularly because it is bound to turn into a heated debate. The reasons I've recently begun exploring the topic of modesty are twofold:
1) True modesty was not something talked about in our home growing up. I am trying to educate myself now so that I can be more mindful with my dress and so that I can be equipped to teach my future daughter(s).
is a book I am very glad to have read and one that I wish I would have read as a naive high school girl. Bambi shows us what speaking truth in love looks like as she lays out biblical principles concerning modesty.
Our culture encourages us to cultivate outward beauty that surely perishes over time. Many women seek their own glory through their appearance rather than seeking to glorify God. We cannot do both simultaneously.
Oh, how I've sought out the former in my life, way too many times. I recall being a middle school girl and, while puberty was transforming my thin, string-bean body into a womanly figure, I suddenly began receiving a lot of attention from boys/men. I soon realized the more I showed off my beauty and figure, the more attention and affirmation I received. Of course this felt good to me, as it does to many women.
To the outsider, I appeared completely innocent, but now, I am convinced I suffered from vanity and selfishness in seeking approval from others through my physical appearance. This way of thinking continued through high school and on to college as well. They say the bait you use determines the type of men you attract. This couldn't have been more true in my life regarding the men I attracted by dressing immodestly. What a fleeting satisfaction it was, indeed.
I can honestly say, though, I did not fully understand until several years ago that lust, pornography, and sexual temptation are such giant struggles in the lives of almost every man and teenage boy.
In one chapter, Bambi describes 6 different women that exist in regards to modesty. I can say that I have related to almost all of them at one time or another:
"Susan loves the Lord and has no desire to offend. But her desire to wear current fashions as well as fit in with her peers, colors her good sense... She has allowed Hollywood to define what appropriate attire is. The result? Stylish and trendy clothes that do not line up with Biblical principles."
5) Full-figured Florence
"Florence is many of us. She is full-figured. Or perhaps she is pregnant. Or has crow's feet. Florence doesn't think modest dress applies to her because she is too old/overweight/pregnant to be a problem to anyone else. Therefore she thinks she can wear anything that suits her fancy."
6) Parading Patricia
(this one is the most foolish of them all)
"She is 'flaunting her stuff' precisely because she thinks she has it to flaunt. The turning heads strokes her pride. With each glance, her ego swells... Nothing could be more contrary to Christian humility... A woman like this may be flaunting her body out of insecurity, vanity, or advertising for sex... possibly all three."
(side note: Let us remember that a foolish woman like Patricia is ultimately in need of Christ to raise her from the dead and call her into His glorious light.)
Immodesty must not be excused due to good motives... it is still sinful regardless of motives.
the author quotes Charles Spurgeon who says,
"I know that charity covereth a multitude of sins; but it does not call evil good, because a good man has done it..."
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One of my favorite chapters in the book is titled "Modest Dress: {What It Is and Eight Reasons Why We Don't Want to Talk About It}
I have often used all of these excuses:
1) "It's legalistic" - This one bothers me now... and it was once my biggest excuse. It seems in most Christian circles now, it is common to call something "legalism" when you don't want to face it as sin in your life. Modesty is one of those things many people write off as legalistic.
But THAT IS NOT WHAT LEGALISM MEANS. The author says legalism is "basing salvation on works, or the belief that we can add to our salvation by works. Legalism focuses on externals, not internals...It is NOT legalistic to encourage believers to obey God's instruction." AMEN. We are commanded to obey God's word. We are not saved by obeying it. We are saved by grace. But God commands that we obey his word and the word says saving faith produces good fruit. One who is saved by grace should be motivated to obey God's commands. Even in regards to modesty.
2) "It's Trivial. Unnecessary."
It surely does matter... more than you think.
"and whatever you do, in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Col. 3:17
This includes our closets, girls.
3) "Modesty = ugly (or at least frumpy)"
I love the author's objection to this one. "So what if it did?"
"In the case that nothing cute and modest is available, a Christian woman will side with modesty, not fashion." Even though, many of us know that dressing modest does not mean you have to look frumpy! I know many modest women who still dress with class and cuteness.
4) For the Unmarried: "Men won't be attracted to me if I don't show some skin."
The author affirms that, yes, this is probably true. But why type of man are you trying to attract?
This is one I wish I had learned a long time ago... it would have weeded out all of the men who only wanted to use me for my body and were not attracted to my heart.
5) "But God sees my heart"
Moore says, "Clothing is often a good indicator of spiritual condition so to say that 'God sees your heart' is an indictment not a defense." YES.
6) "There's no chapter or verse to back up the standard of modesty."
Yes, not everything in the Bible is spelled out clearly in black and white. I agree with that, however, that does not mean we should throw the baby out with the bath water.
Moore says, "The Bible doesn't give us a dress code to follow, such as where the hemline should fall. But it does give us principles that we can and must apply to our individual situations."
I, personally, appreciate that the author mentions this. Nothing bugs me more than bloggers/Christian women who lay out rules that EVERYONE must follow in order to please God in dress. (i.e. skirts only, head covering, shoulders always covered, etc.) All of the implications of the biblical principles are up to the woman and (if married) her husband.
7) "People are already de-sensitized to nudity."
This is a true statement. But this does not make it okay for a Christian to participate.
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Does God care about beauty at all?
YES! He does indeed. Look at the mountains, sunsets, and flowers... he is the author of beauty. But we must understand that it is less about externals and more about internals AND that all things were created for His glory.
"... here is the inner, imperishable beauty. The beauty, which, instead of losing it's springtime freshness, forever advances towards eternal youth." - Timothy Shay Arthur 1858
Externals are often a reflection of the heart, which is why modesty always begins and ends with the heart. It is also important to note that modesty is more than dress... it also includes speech and demeanor.
Speech
The author writes, "A woman who wears modest clothing can be anything but modest on the inside. Jesus called people such as this, 'White-washed tombs.' Outwardly doing all the right things, but full of death on the inside."
Speech can display what is on the inside.
"The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of his heart his mouth speaks." (Luke 6:45)
"But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart." (Matt. 15:18)
"A lying tongue hates victims, and a flattering mouth works ruin." (Proverbs 26:28)
"Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body." (Proverbs 16:24)
One should not think they are "modest" if they wear ankle-length skirts but slander and gossip at the same time. Our speech should always bring encouragement and wisdom while honoring Christ.
Demeanor
"Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and golds or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness - with good works." 1 Tim. 2:9
Modesty should be practiced also in how one acts. The author states that we mustn't underestimate the power of facial expressions and even the way we walk, bend over, sit, and carry ourselves.
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Our Brothers in Christ: Yes, we should care.
It is hard to be a Christian man today within our sexually charged country. Everywhere he looks, a man can find billboards, pedestrians, commercials, magazine ads, etc that trigger him to lust.
First and foremost I want to address a sort of mindset that I used to struggle with. Many men can be tempted to feel "off the hook" in terms of lust because there can sometimes be a heavier weight placed on women and their responsibility to dress modestly. This does not mean men do not have a responsibility to turn away, guard their hearts and minds, and fight lust in their hearts. I vouch for full, personal responsibility for both parties.
I used to be that girl who would object with, "Well, it's not my fault he lusts after me, that's his problem! He should control his mind!" No, actually... It is not just his problem. So long as I can help my brother by avoiding causing him to stumble, I should aim to do that. We are to bear with one another and encourage one another. How is dressing how I want encouraging my brother to become more like Christ? It's not... it's acting as a stumbling block to him.
It is naive to think that no man has ever struggled with this. Even the most noble of men I know have or are struggling with lust. It is a very real battle in the hearts of many men. Why do you think the pornography stats are so high? Even within the church! It is terribly sad. How could we not sympathize and find ways to build up and help our brothers in Christ?
The author says, " Men (young and old alike) are going to be tempted to lust. We can be sure of it. They are going to be bombarded with the lie that lust promises: pleasure. In reality that pleasure is momentary and leads only to shame and regret. But men are not helpless against temptation no matter what type of scandalous clothing is in front of them. God always provides a way of escape (1 Corinthians 10:13)"
Just on an encouraging note: There are men who have victory over this sin daily because they are diligent in putting on the whole armor of God. I know many... including my precious husband. He and I are very open about this struggle and, it is clear that he hates this sin tremendously and is always doing his part in sober-minded and watchful. But this does not mean he will not face temptation. He will, as all men do. And we women can help in limiting that through modesty.
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Okay, Chelsey, what about beautifying ourselves? Are we allowed?
Short answer: YES! But in moderation.
Being a woman is a wonderful thing. I am blessed that I enjoy my femininity and always have. There's a softness about a woman that men do not have. We can tend to be gentle, nurturing, and graceful in our demeanor and speech as we should be. Our faces in all of their intricacies are more delicate than that of a bearded man. We have curves and typically more body fat so that we can bear children (which in itself is a beautiful thing). Being woman is glorious. Certainly, we can glorify God in the beauty he has given us.
From a young age, I have loved dressing up. You can ask my mom... up until I was about 7-years-old I refused to wear anything but dresses. In fact, for punishment, my mom would threaten to make me wear pants to school. I would wail and cry because I just wanted to wear a dress... they made me feel pretty and I enjoyed adorning myself and feeling like a lady.
Moore talks about adorning ourselves and how it is okay! Many of us learn to do this at a young age, wearing clothes for more than their covering purpose.
Many of us know even as children that the clothes we wear make bold statements. Moore says, "Our lives make public announcements. A Christian woman's clothing should make an announcement of 'good works professing godliness', not 'pride' or 'sex'. But why? The function of a Christian's good works is to glorify God."
"In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven." Matt. 5:16
We should aim to glorify God in our dress, speech, and demeanor. The moment we aim to glorify ourselves, is the moment we lack in modesty, therefore dishonoring God.
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Heart matters
As mentioned, our heart motives are extremely important and the root of all. If our heart is not in the right place, our modest dress is void. It's true that one can dress modestly with prideful and selfish motives, perhaps to appear "holier than thou". This is not okay. We are daughters of a King. We should dress modestly as a way of
humbly serving Him. This all goes back to desiring to glorify him and not ourselves.
On that note, we who desire to practice modesty as we should, should not look down our noses upon those who either are weaker in faith or have different modesty rules than we do. For example, as a new Christian, I wanted to know God more and please him but he had not yet transformed my mind and heart toward my closet. We must be gentle with the girl at church who's wearing the low-cut top or teeny shorts. I was her at one time and I didn't know any better! Again, not saying we should excuse it, but there should always be grace and love when correcting someone.
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Making rules
Probably my favorite thing about the author, Bambi Moore, is she does not lay out her own personal modesty rules and act as if they are gospel. She only lays out what scripture says and then gives us some of her own convictions about modesty and then suggests that we make rules for ourselves based on some of the clear biblical principles.
For myself, as I've wrestled with this issue and what scripture says, I have decided to be mindful of...
- the length of my skirt and shorts
- the amount of makeup I wear
- accessories like nails, jewelry, hair
- how much skin I'm showing while working out/at the beach
- being sure all cleavage is well-covered
- covering mid drift
-being sure that my pants are not so skin tight that every inch of me is exposed
-not accentuating my behind too much (goodbye yoga pants)
Ultimately, I need to work on not drawing too much attention to myself in dress.
In terms of speech & demeanor I need to be mindful of...
- swearing (yes, I do swear here and there... not good)
- gossip (I hate gossip with a passion already, but one to still be aware of, especially whilst among females) This means, not even gossiping to my husband.
- being sure to always build up and never tear down
- being gentle and kind
- asking questions about others instead of getting carried away while talking about myself
- Not being loud, rambunctious, and rude... never interrupting.
-not responding to or engaging in useless debate/arguments
- not returning evil for evil
- sitting, standing, and/or walking in a way that doesn't say "Look at me!" (we all know what that looks like)
- giving grace to those who are hard to deal with, annoying to be around.
In terms of my heart...
- Humbling myself before God
- Never thinking of myself more highly than others
- again, grace toward those who are weaker in the faith
- being considerate of my brothers in Christ (who are all sons, husbands, fathers, fellow image-bearers)
- Aiming to glorify God in my thoughts, knowing, ultimately my motives should be to please him and glorify him
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I going to leave you with some scripture that tells us what we should be clothed in, all of which can manifest themselves in dress, speech, & demeanor:
Righteousness (Psalm 132:9)
Strength and dignity (Prov. 31:25)
Strength and beautiful garments (Isaiah 52:1)
The armor of light (Romans 13:14)
Christ (Gal. 3:27)
The new self, true righteousness, and holiness (Ephesians 4:24)
The whole armor of God (Eph. 6:11)
The new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of God. (Col. 3:10)
Compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, patience. (Col. 3:12)
Love (Col. 3:14)
Breastplate of faith and love, helmet of salvation (1 Thess 5:8)
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I want to say, I don't pretend to be an expert at any of this. I also will be the first to admit that I constantly fail to be modest and that I have not mastered modesty and all that it pertains to in my life.
Thank God for Christ and the sacrifice he made for me. Christ intercedes on my behalf, clothing me in his righteousness and has made a way for me to be adopted as a child of God, totally justified and holy before him.
Because of the gospel, I have the freedom to obey God, and willingly. I choose to observe his commandments and do them because God has won over my heart. I am thankful that his mercies are new every morning and that I am not justified or saved by how I dress...
Nonetheless, this is an issue of extreme importance and what I wear does, in fact, matter to God.
If you'd like to read Bambi Moore's
More Than Rules, I highly recommend it. There's so much more than can be said about how amazing it was. The book was very edifying in my life and I will be referencing it often. You can get the ebook
here on Amazon for only $3.99
