Being little bitty...

You know what I love?

Being... ordinary. 

That's right... all lower-case, ordinary.

I didn't always feel this way. In high school, I remember striving towards an unachievable status. It was silly, really. My mindset was that if I wasn't rich, stick-skinny, and "successful" and if I didn't marry an upper-class, gregarious smooth-talker by the time I was 30 then I'd be settling for less. And by settling for less, I would consequently be less happy.

Let's just say I am SO glad God snapped me out of that mindset. 

Sometimes it takes getting little tastes of all the things you once desired to finally realize the grass isn't always greener on the other side...

God's plan for my life is blossoming into something much more beautiful than my teenage mind could have fathomed. If someone had told me at 16 that I would be getting married at 23, with countless uncertainties ahead, and NOT to a man loaded with money... I probably wouldn't have believed it. 

The truth is, however, I love my ordinary life! It reminds me of that old Alan Jackson song, "It's alright to be little bitty."

Really, though.. I'm happy being little bitty! 

I love my humble, handsome fiance, who is just as inexperienced in life as I am. 

I love that we are both broke and that we'll have to budget like crazy.

I love that we'll be starting out in a tiny, little place.

I love that our marriage will be filled with sanctifying trials and difficulties.

I love that the pretty, little ring on my finger is little.

I love that Eric doesn't care that I shop at shrift stores and don't keep up with the latest styles.

I love that the most special moments I've had with Eric have been little moments: the special little "just because" gifts he gives me, the spontaneous "I love you"s, the inexpensive dates he takes me on, the chivalry of opening the door for me without fail,  and the way he smiles at me and says, "Wow, your eyes" while admiring my tired, no-makeup face.

I didn't settle for less, I settled for more.

Next week I am getting married. My wedding won't be the wedding of the year, nor will it be perfectly Pinterest in every way. But you see, that's not the point. My wedding won't be MY wedding. It will be OURS.

This is our story. Our itty bitty story woven perfectly into an extraordinary, BIGGER story written by our wonderful Maker.

Being ordinary is so beautifully exciting.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...

You know that popular saying, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"? Well, I happen to think that is such a silly, American thing to say. Why? Because it doesn't always work that way. Suffering can break or make someone but whether it does one or the other is conditional upon one thing: the origin of their strength. How someone turns out after being put through the wringer is completely determined by whether or not they relied completely on human effort to survive the hardship. 

Many of us have been through dark times. Many of us know what it feels like to have the rug pulled out from under us and left asking the most common question asked in the midst of suffering: "Why me?"

In America, we pull up our boot straps, grab the bull by its horns, and say, "I can do this!" The pressure of getting through a storm all by yourself, is tremendous, especially under the impression that everything is up to you and that your destiny is in your hands. Your own strength will prove time and time again to be counterfeit and therefore insufficient. 

In order to come out alive and refined, strength must come to us. It must derive from a place outside of ourselves. We, as human beings, are inherently weak. We see clear evidence of this all around the world, every single day. Even if an individual appears to be able to rely on their own strength, there will always be something that reveals their weakness. Perhaps it's divorce, losing their home, death of a loved one, financial trouble. When we put our hope in people and/or things, we are bound to despair when those people or things are taken from us. 

I know this to be true in my own life. When I was a runner, competing at the collegiate level, doing well in races was an ultimate thing in my life. I was reminded of this idolatry every time I did poorly in a race, especially an important race. I would cry and wrestle with God and beneath every, "Why me?" I felt as if I was being punished. This opened my eyes to the fact that success in running was the god in my life and a very lame and untrustworthy god at that. 

Although suffering is never easy, I can look back in retrospect and say that I am so glad God allowed challenges and heart-wrenching circumstances to come upon me. Why? Because if it were not for the landslides in my life, I would not have known that I had built my life on a poor foundation. 

It was through hardships that God opened my eyes to the truth of the gospel.  I discovered that when I put my hope in Christ, I can never lose. In fact, when we hope in Him we are more than conquerors. 

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies." 2 Corinthians 4:8-10 

Christ suffered the ultimate punishment so that we might have life. This means that when we are in Him, we will always have hope. In good times and bad times, Christ in me. When I lose all of my possessions, Christ in me. When a loved one betrays me, Christ in me. When my dreams are shot down, Christ in me. When I am mocked for my faith, Christ in me. When I am tortured, laughed at, even killed for being a Christian, Christ in me. Nothing can separate me from this eternal hope. 

Romans 8:35-39 says, 

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, 'For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.' No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

We cannot know the reason God allows suffering in our lives but one thing is for sure: our sufferings are not signs of God punishing us because Christ already took the punishment on the cross. 

You see, Christ offers us the greatest gift of all: eternal life. This life begins now, on this side of eternity. We can be weak in tough times because God fights for us. In our weakness, He is strong in us. When we walk through the fire, we come out as refined gold.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-11

Perhaps you are going through a rough time right now. If so, please hear me out. Surrender to the one who knows you best and cares for you most. Come to the cross. Kneel before God and know this: He is strong, He is faithful, and if you trust in Him, you can have life everlasting and a hope that withstands all of life's storms. 

Lessons Learned

I know it's been a long time since I've blogged. I assure you, life has been crazy, but the real reason for my lack of blogging is just not feeling like I have one single idea to blog about. In other words, my fear was that I would be so sporadic, no one would be able to follow my thoughts!

Anyways, wedding plans are slowly coming along. Almost 3 months until the big day and, with a lot of help from family, the major stuff is already done. Now it's just the tedious details I need to work on!

I am definitely learning about myself in this whole process. One thing I've noticed is that I am actually quite terrible at being the "Bride-to-be". Many brides envision their wedding day and its details down to the tee. They know the exact dress they want, the exact theme the wedding will be, the colors, the flowers, the cake, the music, etc. They have a planning binder, a budget spreadsheet, and have rehearsed walking down the aisle more times than necessary.

See... that is just not me! I wish it were because it would probably make things easier, but its not. When I went wedding dress shopping, my consultant asked me what kind of dress I had in mind. Of course I sat there with a blank stare and said, "Umm, I really have no idea."

The very first wedding venue we visited was also the last. I decided it was a nice, affordable venue, and we booked it. What's especially funny is when I try to explain to others what my wedding theme will be, it often sounds something like, "Well, I just don't know yet... maybe I'll know the theme on my wedding day!"

You see, my wedding may turn out to be just like me... sporadic and all over the place! Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE my wedding dress and venue and am happy with all other wedding plans, but I sure have learned a lot about myself in the midst of each decision!

Another thing I have learned in this messy time is how different Eric and I respond to stressful situations. I have probably had 4 crying episodes in the past 3 months... each episode has been about something totally not worth crying about. Eric, on the other hand, has been my rock. He's so calm in every storm, always pointing me back to Christ, and when I cry about silly little things, he offers a reassuring smile and hours of his time to talk me through it.

Yes, it is so cliche and cheesy. And yes, I am young and probably very naive... But when I look at Eric and hear his godly words of reassurance, I am reminded why I am willingly walking through all of this. When I look at him, I am given a testament to God's mighty provision in my life.

No, I certainly do not have a fairy tale view of marriage, nor do I think everything will be "happily-ever-after" once we tie the knot, but I do know it will be worth it. I do know that I will be sanctified, refined, and given a perfect picture of the gospel through the messiness and struggles of marriage. I do know that the stresses I face now are probably minuscule in comparison to the difficulties marriage will bring BUT I also know, above all else, that at the end of my life I will not regret the decision to marry Eric. We are on this journey together, with eternity in mind, two sinners being sanctified through the gift of marriage.

The journey that lies ahead is in God's hands, and I know He is for us. With Christ, we will come out in the end more beautiful than we would have in a perfect and safe life. Oh how good is the Father's love.

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." Romans 8:18

Hope

I was born a worry wart. Always striving, always imagining the worst, and always controlling.

During the past few years the Lord has been teaching me about casting my anxieties on Him and trusting in His provisions as my Heavenly Father who cares for me.

Even as I look back to the worries I've had, I realize that 99% of the things I imagined would happen to me, did not happen. And even when what I anticipated did happen, the struggles I faced were used by Him to sanctify me and I ended up coming out of the fire with a more beautiful character than before.

I'm currently reading a book called The Glory of Christ written by a puritan named John Owen in the 1600s. It is quite a dense piece of literature, but I was recently told that if one had to choose between only reading modern books or only reading classic books, the wisest decision would be to read the classics as they will tax one's thinking powers unlike the predigested material we read in today's newspapers, magazines, and on social media.

That may have been a bit of a tangent, but what I am getting at is that Owen's 17th century wisdom has been enlightening to me concerning the topic of worry and suffering... Especially during this chapter of my life.

I very much enjoyed this excerpt:

"Our beholding by faith things that are not seen, things spiritual and eternal, will alleviate our afflictions, make their burdens light, and preserve our souls from fainting under them. Of these things the glory of Christ is the principal and in a due sense comprehensive of them all. For we behold the glory of God Himself 'in the face of Jesus Christ.' He that can at all times retreat in the contemplation of this glory will be carried above the perplexing, prevailing sense of any of these evils, of a confluence of them all. Crux nil sentit in nervo, dum animus est in coelo. (Translation: One does not feel the pain of the cross when his mind is on heavenly things.)" - John Owen, The Glory Of Christ

In other words, when the object of our meditations and thoughts is the glory of Christ, we have a stronghold and rest for our souls especially in times of affliction.

Where am I going with this? Well, this time in my life consists of many different stresses. From a worldly perspective, I am extremely susceptible to giving up on hope. I am a new college graduate, I have a fairly low income, I am marrying young in a country with a very high divorce rate, and I am hanging onto the hope that my fiance will find a full-time job in this crazy economy after he graduates from SDSU in December. Am I scared? Absolutely. But am I in despair as one might expect? Absolutely not. Is this because I am a strong, independent, level-headed woman, depending on my own might and strength to pull through?

Absolutely not.

So what is the reason for my hope? Where does my hope reside? My hope rests in my God who always provides for me, who cares for me, and from whom all blessings flow. By His grace, nothing can lead me to despair.

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed..."

2 Corinthians 4:8-9

According to the world, the odds are against me. But my God is for me.

Because of His beautiful grace, I don't have to lay paralyzed, unable to face the day with all of its troublesome possibilities. I can work hard, love abundantly, and walk through the beauties and hardships of life while relying on Him.

Because of this truth, we Christians are more than conquerors. No trial, opposition, or any form of suffering could ever separate us from the love of our Father.

John Owen says it best:

"... it is the Lord Christ in whom our nature has been carried successfully and victoriously through all the oppositions that it is liable to, and even death itself."

Christ conquered death and my life, hidden in Him, is eternally secured. I need not worry and I need not strive.

Eric & Chelsey: Our Story and The Proposal

Our Story

Yesterday, Eric and I got engaged! I thought it would be fun to share our story (how we met, etc.) as well as how he proposed. 

During the summer and fall of 2012, I served as a leader in a high school ministry in Rancho Bernardo, CA. I was fairly new to the Christian faith and was just looking for ways to get involved in the church. The majority of my volunteering activities took place during Sunday night services in the youth room. There were several other leaders my age and we bonded pretty well during my short time there.

 It was around October when I noticed a more recent volunteer coming to our Sunday night festivities to help out. Eric looked a bit different than he does now but I was just as attracted to him. He had a sort of rebellious look... buzzed hair, wearing earrings and almost always had an LRG t-shirt on. I was immediately eager to meet him!

 I was smitten from the start. Eric had a quiet demeanor, an introvert like myself. He would often linger in the background, but not in a rude manner. I could tell Eric was a man of few words, a "mystery" some might say, but I absolutely loved that about him! I've never been attracted to the gregarious, loud, extroverted type so Eric was quite the fresh breath of air to me. 

Getting to know Eric was initially a challenge, as is the case for most introverts! I always tell everyone that I really didn't think Eric had any interest in me back then. In fact, I thought I didn't have a chance. We laugh about it now and his mother tells me it's a "Meissner thing" to hide feelings like Eric did. It sure did keep me on my toes!

After a couple of months of hanging out in groups, many awkward conversations, and coming up with silly excuses to text each other and sit near each other during group outings, things were slowly progressing and Eric finally asked me to coffee! (Yes, this was the first time I thought MAYBE he had an interest)

When we met for coffee, I immediately noticed how gentlemen-like Eric was. Conversation was very easy and smooth. We ended up staying a couple of hours at Starbucks, talking and laughing. We shared about our struggles, our upbringings, our families, and our hopes. It was joyous in every way. The one thing that stood out to me more than anything was Eric's passion for the Lord. I could tell by our conversations that his faith was robust, growing, and genuine. We went on a few more dates and I knew, even then, that Eric was the one for me. 

As I was falling more and more in love with the person I was getting to know, It was as if God was showing me little glimpses of the man Eric was becoming by His grace... and I knew I wanted to be a part of that. 

In January of 2013, Eric asked my dad if he could date me (something never done before) and we've been together for about 1 year and 6 months since! Our time together has been amazing. We've grown so much and have found that, as we both grow closer to the Lord, the relationship we have with each other grows tremendously stronger. We are so weird and silly and awkward and awesome together... I could just bore you all with my gushy talk about our relationship! ;) 

Okay, there is so much more I could say about Eric and how much I adore him, but I want to move on to the engagement story! 

The Proposal

So, just for the record, Eric and I have been marriage-minded since the beginning. We've both "dated just to date" in our pasts and knew we wanted to be with someone who had the common end goal of being in a God-glorifying marriage. 

I knew for some time that Eric MIGHT propose to me either in the summer or fall... but I had no idea when! I know now that Eric had to be very secretive in order to surprise me, as I am very tough to surprise! 

I came over to Eric's house after I got off work around 2:30ish... His car was there... but when I came inside... no Eric to be found! I thought, "That's very odd..." As I usually do, I went into the garage to grab a Vita Water. That's where I found note #1! 

The note had our very first picture on it, a very sentimental letter (which I will keep to myself ;) ) and an explanation of the adventure he had planned out for me. 

The first clue led me to his room upstairs... There I found roses and note #2. This note had another picture of us taken later in our relationship, a sentimental letter, and clue #2! (Are you seeing a pattern?)

Clue #2: " I think you should check out Justin's old room... my senses tell me you'll find something in there..." 

On to Justin's room! There was note #3 with a picture of us, sweet letter, a clue and a CD! 

I was told to listen to the CD while on my journey. 

Clue #3: "Your next hint is one of our favorite places to get dessert. - tell the cashier your name and that you're there for a note." 

Out to my car I dashed! I popped in the CD and instantly started crying as songs of our past came on (Journey, Phil Collins, Coldplay, and others) 

I stopped at In-the-Mix (our favorite froyo place) and did as I was told. I was handed note # 4 along with my favorite organic dark chocolate. 

Clue #4: " Your next hint is to go where we first met (Church at Rancho Bernardo)- find Nicole upstairs, she'll be able to help you.

And off I sped to the church where we first met!

Extra comic relief: there I was chowing down on half of the chocolate bar while sobbing to our favorite Coldplay song, "Green Eyes". Quite a sight to see!

I arrived at the church and found Nicole who gave me note # 5! 

Clue #5: "Your next hint is to go where you can find more seminary professors than anywhere (Hint: our new church) --- look outside on the patio" 

I hurried over to Escondido, and arrived at our church called New Life. I quickly got out of my car and jogged over to the patio where I found a table with flowers and a note waiting for me. 

All the note said was:

"This page represents the story we will write TOGETHER.  Congratulations, you won! And so have I."

Suddenly I looked to my right and Eric was standing there smiling. I instantly started to cry...the ugly, unflattering kind of cry. 

He said to me, " I hope you can tell by the notes and your little journey how much I love you. You are such a blessing to me. The reason I picked this place, New Life, is because its name has a double-meaning. We've been given new life in Jesus, we've also been given new life together. I wanted us to remember this place as where we started our new life together." 

Eric then got down on one knee, and I can't even remember what he said after that because I was so excited and emotional! 

I think I said something like, "Yes!" ;) 

I am so eager to spend the rest of my life with my best friend. Chelsey Meissner... has a nice ring to it. No pun intended! But I do absolutely LOVE the ring.

Here are some photos of the event... these were taken by the very sneaky Miles Grimes who was apparently taking pictures the whole time! I love them...

Happiest day of my life... so far! 

Welcome!

Well, I suppose I should begin with a bit about myself:

I was born in the wrong era (an "old soul", they say)

I have a wonderful fiance named Eric

I love eating clean, drinking coffee, reminiscing, reading theology, and being active.

I am a fan of cats, Fleetwood Mac, old movies, vinyls, and ancestry (a more recent hobby). 

I intend to use this blog to share truth, joys, laughs, thoughts, as well updates on my journey towards marriage.