Disclaimer: To the childless woman, the career woman, and the single woman- I want you to know that I am not putting down your personal callings, I am only defending the Christian wives and stay-at-home mothers that are constantly under attack by the evil culture we face today. As Christians, God is just as well-pleased with you in whatever life he's called you too.
I am a wife. All of you know this. I also love being a wife. Many of you know this as well. My dream from the time I was a little girl was to get married and raise a family. Sure, I had career goals, but none that really stuck or superseded my dreams of being a wife and mother. I also knew I wanted to stay home with my children from a very early age. I had been in daycare as a toddler and had nannies until I was about 9 or 10. I don't judge those who go this route but, for me personally, I desire to stay home with my future children.
If you are anything like me, you know it is very difficult to live in our culture today with these kinds of dreams. I went to college, I got my degree, all the while I knew I didn't want to be in the workforce long term. "So you're wasting your education?" Mmm, I heard this one a lot. Nope, nothing can be lost by getting a degree... if anything (depending on the university) one can only gain. I didn't particularly enjoy college, but I paid for it myself, worked my butt off, and am glad I have a degree. I had experiences in college that many people are not privileged to have. When I do stay home with my children, I will not regret having gone to higher education. This is not to say that it is wrong not to go to college. I wish many young men and women understood that college is NOT for everyone. But just because I got my degree and don't plan on using it doesn't mean I am wasting my education.
This is the mindset many people have. I was surrounded by it in college and am surrounded by it now in the workplace. And you know what it is? Feminism. I'm talking about liberal Feminism as we see it in the media, not the recent attempt to redeem the word.
Feminism has destroyed traditional values and biblical principals. Don't get me wrong, not everything the feminist movement stood for was bad, but I am speaking to it as a whole. It's spat on biblical gender roles, it's told women that if you want to be worth anything, you've got to be a big, bad career woman and have nothing to do with that stay-at-home mom nonsense. And you certainly can't submit to a husband. Oh no. That's oppressive! Men are worthless, second class citizens. "Girl, if you've got a brain, go get your degree and make your own money and sleep with whoever you want. Who needs monogamy? You do you!"
*sigh*
I was just watching the movie Mona Lisa Smile last night. It's about a woman who becomes a college professor at an all-women, Anglican university. As an art professor, she has some tough work ahead, as she finds these women of the 1950's stuck within tradition with religious values and in need of some coaxing on the road of "personal fulfillment". I almost turned it off but it was all so intriguing and such a reflection of our society today. The whole movie paints this picture of housewives and mothers to be women imprisoned by men... women who have no depth, no intellect, and no purpose. "Victorious" moments in the movie were those marked by women leaving their husbands in order to "find themselves" and go to law school.
This is the culture we live in. You're looked down upon if you marry young, if you have children, God-forbid any more than 3 children, if you submit to your husband's leadership, if you don't have a "career", and if you stay home with your children. None of this was questioned 60 years ago. This is all a result of the feminist movement and all it stands for. More women than ever are freezing their eggs so that they can live the single life longer without losing fertility. We live in an age where murdering your inconvenient, unborn child is praised because, "You do you!" It's heartbreaking. Utterly heartbreaking.
So many women are convinced that the sole purpose in life is to be happy. "We should strive for happiness above all!" No. This is a complete lie. If this were an ultimate truth, we could tell child molesters, "Hey man, whatever makes you happy!" Do you think our servicemen had a ball out there in Afghanistan taking a bullet for your freedom? No. They did it out of duty.
We should aim to do what is right and good, not what makes us happy. Happiness is an emotion. Emotions are fleeting and do not last. If you do what is right, living a life in communion with God, you may just find a joy that is deeper and more wonderful than any fleeting form of happiness that comes with naval-gazing.
Do you know how demanding and sanctifying it is to be a wife and mother? Yeah, I'm not a mother yet but I know it ain't a walk in the park. Neither is marriage. But you know what? It's worth it, it gives joy, it's honorable, and it sure isn't a worthless way to live.
I had an encounter at the grocery store a couple of months back where a woman in line ranted to me about how much she regretted getting married and having children. No joke. She told me she threw her life away and encouraged me to "live it up now" and "follow my dreams" before I get tied down in mommy prison. I wanted to cry for her. How sad. She obviously holds to a liberal, feminist worldview that has sucked the joy out of marriage and motherhood.
Reminds me of how God addressed women in the garden after Adam and Eve sinned, cursing mankind:
“Your desire shall be for your husband...”
Genesis 3:16
It is in our sinful nature to desire to rule over our husbands and to trump their God-given role as leader of the household. I could say a lot about this but I just want to leave you with: God values men and women equally but has created us inherently different and assigned to us totally distinct, yet equally valuable roles. Within the confines of marriage those roles are: leadership and submission. A lot of people misunderstand the true meaning behind these roles and how they play out in a godly marriage.
My husband is not to rule over me as a dictator, rather he is to love me as Christ loved the Church. I am to submit to my husband just as I submit to the Lord. Both require utter humility and selflessness. We must constantly die to self and live in service to the other.
Eve is given to Adam as his ezer kenegdo—or as many translations have it, his "help meet" or "helper." I am my husband's helper and encourager and I take great joy in that! I love that God created me to serve my husband in this way as my husband is called to sacrificially love me just as Christ gave him self up for the Church.
There is nothing more beautiful and perfect than God's design. When we do His will, we naturally flourish and become more like Jesus. It is no easy feat and, every day I must live by His Spirit, but mercies are new everyday and I find tremendous joy living in the role God's called me to, as imperfect as I am.
I hope this was an encouragement to you, as much of a rant as it was. Though our culture is godless and tainted by the ever poisoning lies of feminism, our God is bigger, and he is well pleased with tired, hard-working, selfless, loving, and oh-so-imperfect wives and mothers. Take great joy in that. You are not unworthy and your life is not wasted as you live out the beautiful callings of wife and mother.
xoxo, A Law Student's Wife
This is really beautiful! Thank you.
ReplyDelete