A godly wife

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. 

~ 1 Peter 3:1-6

A godly wife is subject to her own husband...

To be "subject" to someone is to be under their authority. As Christian wives, we are called to be submissive to our husbands and they are called to lead us. This is a beautiful thing because it is God's design and, therefore, the only way to truly flourish in a marriage. Each role as husband and wife reflects the person of Jesus. 

"Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church" (Ephesians 5:22–23). 

A woman glorifies God by submitting to her husband. How? The Bible teaches us that Jesus is under the headship of the Father, therefore, we reflect Jesus when we submit to the headship of our husbands. “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God” (1 Corinthians 11:3). 

I take great joy in submitting to my husband even though it very often does not come naturally to me. I am naturally a very strong-willed woman. I can be Type-A and am a first born so my temperament can exude a kind of overpowering behavior at times. I am quite the go-getter and like to have the final say on things because I often don't trust other people's decision-making skills.

Since getting married, the Lord has convicted me in this area and has refined me quite a bit through sanctification. I've come to see that it is so beautiful to allow my husband to lead us. He grows and flourishes tremendously when I do not hinder him with my overpowering nature. It's impossible for two people to lead together in a marriage so our marriage naturally prospers when we do it God's way. And the beautiful thing about it is, both roles would not be what God intends without utter humility and service to the other. 

A godly wife conducts herself in a respectful and pure manner...

I can't tell you how often I've sat and listened to women complain about their husbands. They often complain about how much of a "deadbeat" he is or how lazy he is. Can I say something controversial? What have you done to contribute to your husband's behavior? Have you nagged him, called him names, refused to be intimate with him, or done anything else that would give him the hint that you think he is equal in value to the dirt on the ground? Yeah, you may just be the reason for your extremely passive, distant husband.

Men want to be respected. You, as his wife, have the greatest power to help him grow into the man God calls him to be. But the only way you can expect to see your husband grow into the godly man he is called to be is if you are the woman God calls you to be. Your husband takes your opinion seriously. He values your opinion above anyone else's. I guarantee, if you respect him, build him up, encourage him, pray for him and with him, be his biggest cheerleader, (and stop the nagging!), and actively loved him,  he will be a new man in time. He may be "won without a word" by your conduct as Peter describes. 

We are also called to be pure. When I think of "pure" I think of fresh mountain springs. Uncontaminated by society. We wives need to conduct ourselves in a pure manner. This means dressing modestly, not being contaminated by cultural standards of beauty and behavior. It means being wholesome and untainted by sexual immorality. It means embracing your femininity but keeping from your neighbor what should only be reserved for your husband. Finally, it means conducting yourself in a moral manner, always striving for holiness.

A godly wife is more concerned with inward beauty than outward...

"Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart..."

It is not a sin to adorn yourself, but when it takes precedence over your character or when it becomes a great obsession, it is sinful. Big breasts, wrinkle-free skin, and thigh gaps are not what holds a marriage together. Outward beauty is not a bad thing and we should strive to take care of ourselves for our husbands, however, the Word tells us that our inward spirit is what matters most, it is "imperishable". The hidden person of the heart is refined and sanctified when are in God's word, when we seek to do His will and not ours, when we deny ourselves and follow Christ daily... even when it is uncomfortable. And the beauty in that is, all things are possible with God (Matthew 19:26). 

A godly wife has a gentle and quiet spirit...

Let's start with what it means to have a "quiet" spirit. Many of us women do not naturally have a quiet spirit. We have a lot to say, all the time. Many of us can forget to think before we speak and blurt out whatever comes to mind, without a filter. This is unwise and foolish. God calls us to calm the loud and chaotic thoughts in our hearts and minds, thinking on whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely (Phil. 4:8) He also calls us to be upright and self-controlled (Titus 1:8)

At the same time, He calls us to be gentle. When we do speak, we should speak wisely and our speech should be gentle and kind. "...always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person." (Colossians 4:6)

Our conduct in public is also important because it can affect our husband's reputation. This is important because it goes hand in hand with respecting our husbands.

When we strive to be a peaceful and godly wife, it is precious in the sight of the Lord and to our husbands. "An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels." (Proverbs 31:10)

  I pray that this blog post was encouraging to you. Remember, God gives us grace as we strive to be our best. I fail often but trust that, everyday, I am becoming more of the woman I'm called to be. It is only possible by His Spirit and grace.  

 "A true wife makes a man's life nobler, stronger, grander, by the omnipotence of her love 'turning all the forces of manhood upward and heavenward.' While she clings to him in holy confidence and loving dependence she brings out in him whatever is nobles and richest in his being. She inspires him with her courage and earnestness. She beautifies his life. She softens whatever is rude and harsh in his habits or his spirit. She clothes him with the gentler graces of refined and cultured manhood. While she yields to him and never disregards his lightest wish, she is really his queen, ruling his whole life and leading him onward and upward in every proper path." -JR Miller

xoxo, A Law Student's Wife